Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
