I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
