He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize