Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When did angry sex become our thing?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
They are going to name an STD after you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
