I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
