Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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