He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
