Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
