I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
