I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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