I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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