seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
