Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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