Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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