i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
