Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
