Kiss
Puke
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
