I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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