dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
