What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
