Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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