Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Princesses don't give blow jobs

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(256): View more from Alabama

he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

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(317): View more from Indiana

A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where

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(203): View more from Connecticut

He's honking my boob in his sleep

(203): View more from Connecticut

It's innocent and endearing in some way

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