I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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