conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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