I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
