By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
