I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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