Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
