I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
