So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
