I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
