So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
