That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
