I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
