Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
