My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Randomize
