I hate all girls vehemently.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
