You're so nebulous sometimes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
