Apparently you make a good broom.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
