Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize