Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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