Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she told me i tasted like america
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
