I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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