Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
