Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i need to put some appletini on your dick
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
