The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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