So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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