at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
