His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The ass gains better be worth it
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