I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
