This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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