Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What a dumb baby whore.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
