I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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