i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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