the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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