Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
