I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
