Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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