Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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