He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
