I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
