i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
