but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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