who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
