Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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