ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
