why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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