I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
