if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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