Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
