i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
